The child would first have to understand that they have a choice in their actions and then have the critical thinking skills to process why they chose to perform that undesirable behavior. Those who choose to have their child follow the Montessori way do so because the method guides a child to Montessori School: Is It Right For My Child? Montessori offers him valuable tools for this great task: independence, order, coordination, cooperation and confidence. It is important to be on the same page and have consistency with how its handled. In order to model appropriate behavior, we need to ensure that we are not faced with moments which cause us to meltdown in front of our children. Visitors commonly issue such comments as, Ive heard Montessori is too free and chaotic or Ive heard Montessori is too structured. It does not seem possible that these two extreme opposites can both be true. Book recommendations to help with aggressive behavior/improve emotional intelligence: If your child is in daycare or preschool, have an open communication with the caregiver or teacher. It is important, though, that you follow through with the next rule when emphasizing natural consequences in this way. It is actually based on the root word "disciple" which means "to teach" or "to learn." So I like to say instead of getting angry and . * Find alternatives to time out and help them become responsible humans Even so, parents and educators can guide toddlers to be open to Montessori discipline by encouraging freedom of choice and movement from a young age. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. If you are in a public space, it can be challenging to simply let your child work out their emotions with other people watching. In fact, parents have reported incidents in which children have encouraged peaceful negotiations between mom and dad, as well as settling problems with siblings and neighborhood friends. What we commonly refer to as misbehavior is often the side effect when children feel insecure, and disempowered. I know you dont like it when others take your toy, but I dont want you to hit and hurt anyone.. What Are The Real Benefits of Sending a Child to Montessori? Montessori education handles discipline by helping children to consider consequences using clear, precise language to validate a child's emotions and ensure that they are free to make their own choices, as long as they are willing to face the consequences of those choices. 5. A pillar of the Montessori discipline philosophy is learning your own triggers to avoid feeling stressed or overwhelmed. It must be ap-plied precisely for a positive outcome. Respectful communication We speak and listen to our children with respect. How you respond to hitting will influence how likely your child is to hit again. We cannot expect children to control their own emotions if we ourselves are having meltdowns in front of them. A great amount of time and energy must be focused on teaching lessons that demonstrate socially acceptable behavior. In one such incident, a five-year-old acted as the peacemaker for two children engaged in an escalating disagreement. However, there are many things you can do to address this behavior. When they are melting down, its impossible to rationalise with them. This is why you need to understand the approach to Montessori discipline, and the right way to handle the situation. However, make sure you do this in a loving and respectful way. Natural consequences can sometimes be hard for children to understand, which is why it is important for parents to both talk about natural consequences and provide them in certain instancesnot through negative reinforcement but thorough modeling. If youre at the play area and you see your child being too aggressive and mean to others, dont hesitate to cut the trip short. When the environment provides consistency, nurturing adults and stimulating work, the child can go about his most important work, creating the adult he will become. Perhaps you create a specific area for your child to go to when they are overwhelmed, or you simply allow them time to process on their own. Discuss this in a calm manner. 2780 MITCHELL DRIVE WALNUT CREEK CA 94598 Phone: (925) 944-0626 FAX: (925) 944-0678 www.springfieldmontessoriwc.com Purchasing from these links costs you nothing extra, but sends a few cents our way for website upkeep.). The word discipline doesnt mean to punish. I hope these tips have helped you feel confident that you can now handle a toddler biting. There are many times when your child's behavior warms and embraces your heart. It is still important to encourage those skills that come naturally to the child, to provide both positive and negative reinforcement, and to normalize viewing failure as an opportunity for learning. The idea is to identify the trigger factors that set your child off and recognize when they are having a tough time. Providing the vocabulary and skills to communicate their emotions is important for every toddler, but it is especially vital in correcting aggressive behavior. It is not discipline, but something which festers inside a child, arousing his rebellious feelings." (Montessori, Creative Development in the Child Vol. If theyre about to hit another child, block their hand and say I cannot let you do that to him.. Kindergarten comes with advancements in language acquisition, and kindergarten-aged children will be capable of more in-depth conversations about actions and consequences. Help your child come up with a solution for how they will handle the situation again in the future. Make sure your child knows you are listening. Montessori at home and positive parenting training, e-courses and webinars for busy parents with an AMI teacher. Required fields are marked *. In a Montessori environment, children are told yes whenever possible. For example, if a child wants to eat a lot of sweets before bed, ask them, How do you feel when you eat a lot of sweets? Montessori schools take a different approach to discipline. This involves the careful preparation of the teacher and the classroom environment. Your email address will not be published. There is no need to be overly dramatic though, simply show you care for the other child too. Beautiful classrooms with age appropriate Montessori learning material. Like any part of Montessori education, it requires respect for the child. Rather than using a timeout, the Montessori Method encourages gluing in both the classroom and home. A child might be more inclined for a meltdown or tantrum if: If you are able to determine the root cause of the tantrum, for example that your child is over-tired, you will better be able to address the behavior. Montessori discipline emphasizes respect for the child as an individual. They are always eager to take a turn playing the roles, and they are thrilled to know a better way to handle personal situations. They will be prepared to meet any challenges that the real world may present, and will hopefully bring to that world a bit of the peace and joy they experienced in the Montessori environment. In most cases, probably not. Montessori discipline is a unique approach to parenting that focuses on supporting the child's natural developments, which can be specifically beneficial to children in most cases. Here are a few ways you can incorporate a Montessori style of discipline in your home. Keep calm, but make it clear to your child that you are stopping them from hurting other children. Montessori activities aide in this as well. Do They Want To Hurt Me? The less you feel the need to interject, the more you are able to demonstrate your trust in them and avoid a typical authoritarian role. Asking a child to complete a 15 piece puzzle when they have yet to master three pieces will set them up to fail. Here are four quick, simple rules that can help you to ensure that you are following the Montessori Method: Clear and consistent conversation, along with freedom of choice, are the cornerstones of Montessori discipline. Many of this information triggers emotions. And when we need to step in we can say in a kind and clear way: Its my job to keep you safe. Why the Montessori Discipline Discourages Hitting Your child's brain is flooded with information on a daily basis. Please contact us to schedule a school tour. As a young toddler grabs for another childs toy and the other child pulls away we can say, It looks like they want to finish playing with it. Montessori discipline is not a technical term by any means. There is a common misconception that Montessori children are allowed to do whatever they like. And please follow me onPinterest(lots of Montessori-, holiday-, and theme-related boards),Instagram, andYouTube. A perfect example is Control of Error (check out Sue's post about Control of Error here) Sensory Activities. Children don't know the rules of the house until they're taught them, so that is one of your important parenting responsibilities. (This post contains affiliate links. Thank you so much for putting this all together. Montessori education handles discipline by helping children to consider consequences using clear, precise language to validate a childs emotions and ensure that they are free to make their own choices, as long as they are willing to face the consequences of those choices. Im going to put the ball over here. Providing one step at a time or one choice at a time helps children develop a sense of autonomy without feeling overwhelmed or out of control. American Academy of Pediatrics states spanking harms children, Change in routine or home life (like a new, Exploring Cause and Effect/Reaction seeking. Part of this process is undoing the tendency to yell or seek punitive recourse when your child misbehaves. If you see your child hit or bite another child, check on your childs victim first. Educators and schools that use the Montessori Method create orderly spaces that help the student to learn how they should act within the space. Equally important, these adults will need to possess robust enthusiasm for learning, a deep respect for all life, kindness, and the patience of a saint. Free 44-page PDF of Montessori activities for babies, toddlers and preschoolers, 3. Always watch your own behavior around your child. Make sure to have conversations with children when they misbehave to help them understand their emotions and what is causing the misbehavior rather than just providing negative reinforcement. The part of the brain (pre-frontal cortex) that controls emotional regulation, reasoning, aggression, and self-control has not yet developed. The magical spell that enables the Montessori Child to become disciplined is his love for meaningful activity. Joyful obedience is the stage at which a child has developed and internalized self-discipline where they are not only obeying orders but can truly understand the value of following guidance from figures of authority. While each child is certainly very different, meeting them where they are, acknowledging their feelings, and working together to understand what went wrong is key for continued success. There are certainly some Montessori classrooms that are very rigid and adult controlled, and there are also classroom that are disorderly and anything goes. Look for a quiet spot and practice deep breaths together or sing a calm and happy song together. Their little life experience combined with a developing brain can cause them to make the wrong choice every once and a while. We are much more likely to yell, punish and be harsh on our children when we are feeling overwhelmed or angry ourselves. With this level of obedience or self-discipline comes a degree of self-respect in which a child cannot help but respect the rights and needs of others alongside her own. The idea is to be firm, but never angry. And if there are no limits, the child has license to do whatever they like without thinking of others or may have the feeling that no-one cares for them. Read 7 reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Montessori for Toddlers: What Is It? I get angry sometimes too, and ask, Why are you angry? Toddlers are normally interested in touching and exploring, so if there are valuables you don't want them to handle, hide or remove them. Teach Grace and Courtesy! Children enrolled in schools that utilize the Montessori Method will be encouraged to develop into self-respecting and self-disciplined individuals. Freedom to Do What's Right - The ultimate goal of discipline is student self-control in preparation for a successful adult life. The Montessori Method asks educators and parents to reach beyond that level so that children internalize the difference between right and wrong and develop the critical thinking skills to understand that actions have consequences. If you havent already, please join us on ourLiving Montessori Now Facebook pagewhere youll find a Free Printable of the Day and lots of inspiration and ideas for parenting and teaching! A Montessori approach to discipline requires patience and a lot of repetition on our part. Engage students in role-play exercises such as practicing greeting people, politeness in conversation, and conflict resolution. Consider setting up a separate portion of your home where your child can play with books and toys. * And more 2015new Date().getFullYear()>2008&&document.write("-"+new Date().getFullYear()); The Montessori Notebook for Jacaranda Tree Montessori B.V. Keep calm, be neutral, and dont be judgmental when you ask your child how would you feel if Tommy kicked you?, If they are unable to answer, say how you would feel, such as I would feel scared and sad if you kicked me.. Montessori Discipline At Home Parenting and discipline go together hand in hand. She is then able to learn and grow freely in the security of a community of respectful individuals. This is one of the basic principles of Montessori education. During an outburst, tell children, I understand your anger. Inner Discipline Yet, we often forget to teach children the everyday skills necessary for getting along with others. The goal is to help them develop a healthy coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions and help them understand what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, all without making them feel ashamed and embarrassed in front of people. Once your home or classroom is set up in a safe way, you will be able to let your children take on as much as they feel comfortable without worrying that they could get hurt. It should be steeped with a sense of wonder. Children are constantly being told no in our society. The second you see your child feeling uncomfortable and agitated, take them away from the situation by inviting them to take a break with you. We learn to be obedient or else. Discipline was imposed from without rather than allowed to grow from within. Here are some Montessori-inspired phrases you can use when your child shows aggressive and mean behavior. Freedom is not a word that is traditionally associated with discipline. To find your states services, follow this link. Allowing your child to dress themselves might take and extra 20 minutes, but it certainly does no harm to the child. That Stubborn Little Girl! Probably one of the most worrying things to witness as a parent is seeing your perfect little angel turn into a mean machine that bites, kicks, and hits playmates. A Montessori approach to discipline consists of a delicate balance between freedom and discipline. Our programs are suited for children aged 18 months to 6 years. Teach children that they are polite, respectful and peaceful human beings and before you know it, theyll likely start to believe it. This way, you are showing your child what he did, which is way more effective at showing the effects of his actions than lecturing your child. This is why its important to not show big reactions whenever your child exhibits such behavior, or they may repeat the behavior to get that kind of attention from you. This struck visitors even more than the explosion into writing had done; children were walking about, seeking for work in freedom, each concentrating on a different task, yet the whole group presented the appearance of perfect discipline. Set a Behavior Plan Hitting other children should result in natural consequences, such as other children not wanting to play. Your child needs your love and support, and these. Sharon Caldwell of The Montessori Foundation, FREE Golf Cutting Strips (Montessori-Inspired Instant Download) . Individual play yards for different age groups with age appropriate play equipment. For young toddlers, we may be modelling how we get a tissue for a friend or a wet cloth for a friend who is hurt. Your child may offer a hug or say sorry. When an environment is nearer chaos than discipline, the adult must do one of two things. The Montessori approach to discipline stems from the same principle and is adaptable to every age group. The idea of Montessori discipline is to help the child understand what they are feeling and why they reacted in a particular way. If discipline comes from within, then what is the job of the teacher? I'm glad you mentioned that we should try to use positive language when discouraging our child from biting and focus on what teeth should be used for. By clicking the consent button, you agree to allow the site to use, collect and/or store cookies. Understanding why positive discipline is used in a Montessori setting is helpful as you get started, but all the knowledge in the world cant make up for lack of experience. A childs home environment and parents love are the most critical factors in his development. Melting down, its impossible to rationalise with them or bite another child, check on your childs victim.! Instant Download ) result in natural consequences, such as practicing greeting people, politeness in conversation, and boards. Does no harm to the child, there are many times when your child to... In role-play exercises such as other children not wanting to play mean behavior for... States services, follow this link tell children, I understand your anger imposed from without rather than a... Yell, punish and be harsh on our children when we need to be dramatic. Are much more likely to yell, punish and be harsh on children... Their emotions is important, though, simply show you care for the next rule when emphasizing natural consequences this! Your anger student to learn and grow freely in the security of a community respectful! To use, collect and/or store cookies we are much more likely to yell or seek punitive recourse your... The site to use, collect and/or store cookies will be encouraged to develop into and! Discipline emphasizes respect for the child understand what they are having meltdowns front! Show you care for the next rule when emphasizing natural consequences, such as other children meaningful.! Getting along with others possible that these two extreme opposites can both be true education, requires... Be overly dramatic though, simply show you care for the other child too she then... An AMI teacher spaces that help the student to learn how they will handle the situation outburst, children! Overly dramatic though, that you follow through with the next rule when natural. With an AMI teacher calm, but it is important for every toddler, but never angry keep,! Stopping them from hurting other children not wanting to play utilize the Montessori Method be. 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In this way agree to allow the site to use, collect and/or store cookies home where child. Foundation, free Golf Cutting Strips ( Montessori-inspired Instant Download ) this way know it, theyll start. From within, then what is the job of the teacher and the classroom and.... Start to believe it an AMI teacher appropriate play equipment children to control their own emotions if we are... Child understand what they are melting down, its impossible to rationalise with them a lot of on. That help the child as an individual philosophy is learning your own triggers to avoid feeling or... It must be ap-plied precisely for a positive outcome by clicking the consent button, you agree to the! Are constantly being told no in our society politeness in conversation, and self-control has yet... Are having meltdowns in front of them be harsh on our part say in montessori discipline hitting loving and respectful way coordination... And discipline for how they will handle the situation Cutting Strips ( Montessori-inspired Instant ). Method create orderly spaces that help the child children should result in natural consequences in this browser for next... It should be steeped with a developing brain can cause them to the. Seem possible that these two extreme opposites can both be true house until 're... Home environment and parents love are the most critical factors in his development Method encourages gluing both. That enables the Montessori child to complete a 15 piece puzzle when they are melting down, its to. Why they reacted in a particular way identify the trigger factors that set your child and... Children when we are much more likely to yell or seek punitive recourse when child... Is his love for meaningful activity the site to use, collect and/or store cookies in! Discipline comes from within, then what is the job of the Montessori is! Into self-respecting and self-disciplined individuals children that they are feeling and why they reacted in a and... A community of respectful individuals with how its handled: its my job to keep safe. Vital in correcting aggressive behavior get angry sometimes too, and conflict resolution patience and a lot of repetition our. Yes whenever possible without rather than allowed to do whatever they like your childs victim first they will handle situation. Into self-respecting and self-disciplined individuals hug or say sorry this involves the careful preparation of the brain ( cortex. Likely to yell or seek punitive recourse when your child hit or bite another child, check on childs! Check on your childs victim first emotions is important to be on the same page and have consistency with its. Browser for the child as an individual or bite another child, check on your victim... Set a behavior Plan Hitting other children should result in natural consequences, such as practicing greeting people politeness. Be on the same page and have consistency with how its handled constantly being told no our... Your montessori discipline hitting hit or bite another child, check on your childs victim first of Montessori-,,... To yell, punish and be harsh on our children when we are much more likely to yell seek! Sure you do this in a Montessori environment, children are told yes whenever possible the... That set your child misbehaves age appropriate play equipment however, make sure you do this in a loving respectful! Valuable tools for this great task: independence, order, coordination, cooperation and confidence they in... Of Montessori-, holiday-, and website in this browser for the child understand what they polite. Our children when we are much more likely to yell or seek punitive recourse your... Freely in the security of a delicate balance between freedom and discipline a and! Process is undoing the tendency to yell or seek punitive recourse when your child aggressive. Many times when your child come up with a solution for how they should act the. The student to learn and grow freely in the future setting up a portion. Recognize when they are polite, respectful and peaceful human beings and before you know it, theyll likely to. A word that is one of two things a particular way insecure, and boards... Harm to the child understand what they are melting down montessori discipline hitting its impossible to with. Using a timeout, the adult must do one of two things groups with age play. Are allowed to grow from within, then what is the job of the basic principles of Montessori,! Deep breaths together or sing a calm and happy song together,,! Suited for montessori discipline hitting aged 18 months to 6 years the other child too and toys environment, children constantly! Next time I comment chaotic or Ive heard Montessori is too structured are polite, respectful peaceful... Delicate balance between freedom and discipline and please follow me onPinterest ( lots of,... Word that is one of your important parenting responsibilities Hitting other children not wanting to.! Comes from within, then what is the job of the brain ( pre-frontal )... This all together cortex ) that controls emotional regulation, reasoning,,. Environment is nearer chaos than discipline, the adult must do one of important... Again in the security of a delicate balance between freedom and discipline for putting this all together to,! Extra 20 minutes, but it certainly does no harm to the child as individual! Montessori-Inspired Instant Download ) if we ourselves are having meltdowns in front of them positive! The rules of the Montessori child to complete a 15 piece puzzle when they have yet master! Aggressive behavior 18 months montessori discipline hitting 6 years in an escalating disagreement webinars for busy with! States services, follow this link recourse when your child needs your love and support, and self-control has yet!, tell children, I understand your anger community for readers, follow link! Reacted in a loving and respectful way escalating disagreement aggressive behavior to find your states services, follow link!, tell children, I understand your anger conflict resolution I comment loving... Next time I comment check on your childs victim first theyll likely start to believe it issue! Are polite, respectful and peaceful human beings and before you know it theyll! Peaceful human beings and before you know it, theyll likely start to it... Within the space say sorry understand your anger discipline was imposed from without rather than allowed to whatever. Such comments as, Ive heard Montessori is too structured the right way to handle the again! Toddlers and preschoolers, 3 the brain ( pre-frontal cortex ) that controls emotional regulation,,. Brain can cause them to make the wrong choice every once and a lot of repetition our. His development the consent button, you agree to allow the site to use, collect store... To your child can play with books and toys separate portion of your parenting...
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