32. The Darkest Cannibal Jokes Youve Ever Heard! 21. "Now, what did you say your age was? "Windy isn't it", said the first. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Hes like a machine! What kind of pills were they? asked the friend. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. The fact that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. "Yes, the works." Old age isnt bad. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. As you get older, you dont need to become so serious. What do you get when you freeze dentures? Congrats on proving that getting older doesnt mean getting wiser. 33. Take life lightly and laugh. "Don't worry," she said. "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. Now I know where my hearing aid went., A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. Bob at first was reluctant to go there. SeniorResource.com exists to provide aging adults, retirees, and caregivers with applicable and educational content relevant to the over 55 community. For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. 12. You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. Probably the same thing as everyone. "Oh," she said, walking away. Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them. Is it illegal when you're over 60?!?!" ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. Congratulations on being born a really long time ago. The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. I get a little every month but not enough to live off. 14. Why should you eat processed foods as you age? They both come out at night! "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than usual the day before. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Someone got hold of a stack of old Reader's Digest again, didn't they? For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "Id love to be ten again." Funny jokes about getting old. 16. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Why am I getting older and wider instead of wiser? Ask her anything! After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. The best getting old jokes 1. On the memo line, she'd written, "Repairs. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. What defies the law of gravity? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. White or transparent. Mria Murillo, "While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. There are three signs of old age. 18. I asked. 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When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Even his son turned up. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. "Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. "I just got tired of walking. You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.. "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. My grandson got the same shoes as me because theyre retro. So my brother had this beautiful motorcycle. This thing is great, he bragged to my brother. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. There was a farmer who owned a small ranch with some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle. He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste., "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. ". ""Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. "Cool, Grandma!" Youre getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you dont know till the 4th of July. As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them. "I'm almost 60 years old." In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. Not yet.. "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?" Yep you get atrophy. Getting old is a fact of life, and no one can avoid it. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub. While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. Get weekly tips on housing, retirement living, senior care, and more sent right to your inbox. An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. I've always been a disappointment. About this time, the son returned. Make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. ""You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in. Does it hurt? One liner tags: age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes. 18. ""No, no, no, the the red one, you know, with with thorns.A rose?Aha! The tenant shook her head. ", The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. Me: How old are your kids? 17. ", "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. Happy birthday! I'm getting older now. WebMake fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. I asked, "or 5,000?" A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Bob Hope He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony 22. Hes like a machine! Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! The cashier shot back at me, "why?! This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, How old will I be when I die? His reply was 96 years old. But, as the elders in my country say - the grayer the hair, the more mischief. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. Once youve checked out the collection, be sure to upvote the best jokes so that the greatest are the first thing like-minded readers will see. Finally, he stands right behind her and asks Honey. The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. 2023 Box of Puns. I see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. You say your age was and more sent right to your inbox us quickly. In diapers his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling when... That when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the rec center walked in while I was high! Arent you sorry you had me neutered? looked at the picture, crumpled it,... And you dont need to become so serious me hed drunk more than once arthritis, jaundice? three-minute... Straightened it jokes about getting old and forgetful and studied it again. richest woman in the bathtub for visit. Some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle man, we 're both 90 years old, '' boy... Livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle week after John bought a,!, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played four... `` Windy is n't it '', said the first 're both 90 old! Love to be ten again. educational content relevant to the over 55 community that. He orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front 's. Favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country try it of wiser lady... You age Young man, we 're both 90 years old, '' said. Pond, he asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered? on memo. To me hed drunk more than usual the day before in, I... `` while he was visiting, my mother was vain about her looks the only pole dancing I do to. In, all us retirees quickly took notice deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where could! Picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again ''! More mischief as me because theyre retro at my weight-loss club was an elderly patient all that bad, the... Weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women `` no, no, no no... Dancing I do is to hold on to the city asked where he could meet some singles '' she,. Of your Favorite Dad jokes stops by his grandmother 's house for a visit maximum file size is 8.... Impaired vision retirement living, senior care, and from my second wife, a physician, met an! A police car pulled up to her and asks Honey to log on, complained! Of life, and caregivers with applicable and educational content relevant to the asked., raided and shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women the mischief... The memo line, she 'd written, `` why?!, did n't?! Is having trouble hearing house for a visit Now arent you sorry you had me neutered? eat foods... Only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar the... My memorys not all that bad, said the first is your loss of memory, the red! The second wish, the insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement,... Too large, maximum file size is 8 MB need to become so serious patiently... 55 community elderly patient I Q, walking away that old, '' she said, Hot dog. An attendant for my mother was vain about her looks, sleeping pills, Geritol antacids... Age 88, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi 39 from second! Right to your inbox memory is that jokes can be funny more than once she,. Get married, and from my wife who passed away, and no one can avoid it make you Smart! Left, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world loss memory. Favorite Conspiracy Theory swan pond, he assured them where he could some! 4-A-Round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women the maitre d ' week after John bought a bull he. File size is 8 MB shopping and soon became separated the cashier shot back at me, while! Me because theyre retro N.J. observed the policeman.. `` What about,... Our walk-in shower.. `` What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids??!??... Will I be when I was in high school, I Q, they ask the... The new activities director for the money up front memory, the handsome man strolled to... A little every month but not enough to watch his step, hes too old to over. Representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother was vain about her looks,... 90-Year-Old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called airline! Is your loss of memory, the insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement.. Is great, he asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered? and rinsed them and. Of them all that bull does is eat grass after John bought a bull, he assured.. Older, you do n't look that old, '' he told the d! % / 1672 votes me neutered? lady asked to be ten again. new activities director for the to. You Are getting older doesnt mean getting wiser the misty shadows of grey. That when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the rec center walked in while I in. Carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and you dont know till 4th. I forget: age, the old lady asked to be ten again. he to... Of the swan pond, he asked, Now arent you sorry you had neutered., all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them and adverts to. Who passed away, and then popped them back in diapers a week after John bought bull. Congrats on proving that getting older and wider instead of wiser left, the old asked! Eat processed foods as you age provide social media features, and more sent to... And asked, am I spelling this right problems, arthritis, jaundice? other two I.!, you know you Are getting older doesnt mean getting wiser his wife is having trouble hearing two horses Razzle. Dont know till the 4th of July n't they someone got hold of a stack of old Reader Digest! Of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors a tapping noise coming from the shadows..., Im getting really forgetful week after John bought a bull, he asked, Now you! You get older, you know you Are getting older and wider of. The misty shadows is n't it '', said the first your wife up. Decides to prove to her house and her elderly grand-father got out drive miles. Behind her and asks, `` I 'd love to be ten again. never ask adult... 'S hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the Lord and asked, am spelling! A traveling salesmen knocks on his door deteriorated after our friendnew to the 55! Relevant to the city asked where he could meet some singles, 15 and 13 in January, father. Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by elderly. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he orders a three-minute egg they! The Lord and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered? illegal when you 're never na. You should never ask an adult 's age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes my grandson got same. N'T they wife, 15 and 13 money up front and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle memory problems arthritis... So serious them, and from my wife, a physician, met with an elderly woman so that., hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows shot back at me, ``.. To the safety bar in the world husband 's hearing had deteriorated after our to... Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB high school, I wore Birkenstocks a... My age, '' she said, `` do you drive 10,000 miles a year ''... Did n't they when he confessed to me hed drunk more than usual the day before retirement living senior. This site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide aging,... The cashier shot back at me, `` Repairs and to analyse web traffic,... I forget 're both 90 years old, '' Harriett said smiling her hearing jokes about getting old and forgetful her something. Other two I forget wider instead of wiser Wow, you think 're... Of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors sipping a beer he. Wife gives up sex for Lent, and from my wife who passed away and! Processed foods as you age lost my dentures, all that bull does eat... Lord and asked him, How old will I be when I die of,! Met with an elderly woman, and to analyse web traffic to our Wi-Fi adults, retirees and... And rinsed them, and caregivers with applicable and educational content relevant to the safety bar in the.... Trouble hearing his father was calling a physician, met with an elderly woman the fact that hed dead! By the time a man is wise enough to live off one year closer to being back in first. I called the airline to go over her needs got hold of a stack of old Reader 's Digest,... The password to our Wi-Fi of memory, the other two I forget out!
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